Monday, February 15, 2010

Kevins "God will get your goat" story

Do Not Read This To Small Children...

Wednesday night, before the making of the valentines and boxes. A sweet Gentleman named Kevin gathered our youth, especially the little ones, in a circle and told them this "sweet"...not really...actually, rather gory story. If you start to get sick while reading it, just remember that our little guys sat ALL the way through it. I'm going to try and tell it just as he did and not leave out any of the details. Northsiders, if I leave any details out, just post them as a comment. Here goes...

"Kids! I need everyone to gather in a circle over here. I've got a story to tell you. We have lots of baby goats at our house. We've been having the hardest time with these goats. We have two big white dogs. Well, we had two big white dogs until I shot one of them. I shot one of them because it kept ripping the heads off the baby goats and bringing the body up on the front porch and leaving it there. And we would come home and there would be this bloody, headless baby goat laying on our porch...anyway, I shot the dog because it just wouldn't learn. Things were okay for a few days, but then the momma goats started starving the baby goats. So we had to put a few baby goats in a pen with a foster nanny. You know how it goes right? We put feed in there for her, she ate it, and she fed them. Well, one day I went to the pen to check on the baby goats and one was maaaaaaing real loud and laying on its side. I went to the goat and its belly was swelled great big around *shows about the size of a basketball with hands* and its little legs were all sticking straight out *demonstrates how its legs are straight out*. So I picked the baby goat up and took it into the house and called the vet. The vet said to pump the gaby goats stomach. I know how to do that, I have a big hose to do it with, so that's what I did. I stuck the hose down the baby goats throat and guess what??? I got nothing. I called the vet back and he said I that I needed to take a big sirenge and suck the air out of the baby goat. Kids, do ya ll know what a syringe is??? Its a needle thing that the doctor uses to give you a shot with. But this syringe is much bigger *shows how much bigger the syringe is including the size the needle might be*. The vet told me to measure between the ribcage and (I cant remember what) something and take the syringe and stab the baby goat and suck the air out. So I did just what the vet told me to do. I measured, I stabbed and guess what??? *makes air escaping quickly through small hole noise* It worked! So here I am just stabbing this little baby goat every where I see air. And before I knew it, I fixed that baby goat and It was up walking around again. The next day I came home from work and I heard a familiar noise. I went to the pen and saw the brown baby goat laying on its side, legs all stuck out, belly swollen. I said, I know just what to do! I took that baby goat inside, got out the syringe, Shane held the baby goats head, and I pulled that needle back and stabbed it. Guess what??? Nothing. You can ask Shane, that baby goat rolled its eyes back and it died. I thought I was gonna save that baby goat, just like I saved that baby goat yesterday. I didn't give God any credit for saving my goat. I took all the credit for saving my baby goat. You see what happens when you forget to thank God for saving your goats??? He will get your goat!"

I don't know if it was just me, but...that story was not exactly pg 13. We were all actually giggling to ourselves while "comforting" our children. Kevin actually is a fine christian man. He little too graphic for little guys.

Here are some of Kevin's goats...or shall we say were some of Kevin's goats...Remember??? God got one of them. *strong humor, really strong humor*

Hope everyone has a blessed night, and that you learned something from this very graphic story :)

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