Thursday, January 16, 2014

A PPD update

Hey, there.  I know it's been a while since I posted, but life has been far from laid back and honestly this little space has been one of the last things on my mind.  Still my mind, but not a priority.

In my last post, I talked about my struggles with PPD.  I would love to report that everything is peaches and cream, but it isn't.  I'm slowly getting better.  most days I am perfectly fine but others, not so much.  It's so weird because just a soon as i think I'm better, I'll have an episode of insomnia followed by dark, crazy thoughts and severe depression.  And while these "storms" are slowly disappearing, they are still popping up.  It sucks, but I've learned to hunker down and wait for it to pass.  Like all storms, it eventually does.

We're five months, almost six from Dani's delivery and I still cant watch a movie that has hysterical laughing in it, or screaming.  It sends me straight into panic mode.  I can't breathe and feel the need to "run" somewhere, anywhere.  It's so weird, I can watch anything that has to do with labor and delivery and be just fine, but laughing or screaming?  Nope.  There are several things that I couldn't do a few months ago that i can do now, though.  For instance, I can go to Wal-Mart, with Dani, without feeling completely overwhelmed and helpless and I can walk outside and feel the sun shine on my face without a four hour pep talk.  It's strange to look back just a few months and see the person that I was, so filled with fear, afraid of everything. ...Eeesh.

So anyway, I know some of you have messaged me and were wondering "how" I was doing, and that's my answer.  I'm ok-mostly.

Please still keep me in your prayers and thank you in advance for them!