Thursday, May 22, 2014

Good news

After a long nine months of full time work and full time classes, my husband is back.

My life has been such a hectic mess for the past nine months.  Dealing with three school aged kids, a newborn and PPD almost put me over the edge.  I spent many, many hours crying and just trying to cope-to function properly and not look like the total basket case that I was. Trying to figure out how to be me when I had no idea who I was.  It's weird, I know and I blame the PPD for it.

I questioned why we decided to have a fourth child.  I wanted her.  I prayed for her.  I longed for her.  I celebrated her.  I questioned her?  Near the end, not only was I starting to question my baby-my precious daughter, but I was also questioning my marriage, my family and eventually, my sanity.

Seriously, I wanted desperately to LEAVE- to get in the car and leave this life behind me.  I wanted to be alone but the thought of being alone was terrifying.  I wanted quiet but I needed noise.  When my kiddos were at school, I missed them terribly and when they were home, I glanced at the clock-way too often, hoping it was time to start the bed time routine.  I missed Steven so much that it hurt and by the time he got home, that hurt had turned into anger and I wanted nothing to do with him.  And this went on for month after month.  To say that it sucked would be a serious understatement.

One week.  It has been one week since Steven's last final.  In one week I was reminded of a few things...

We wanted, prayed for, long for and celebrated our fourth child.  We love her.  She is joy-a sheer blessing!  My family is my favorite family and I love spending time with my husband and kiddos.  I love being married.  I love who I am married to.  I'm totally head-over-heals-in-love with that guy!  And the best part?

I was only temporarily insane.  PHEW!

For real!

Oh Happy Day, Friends!  Oh, happy day.

1 comment: