My life has been such a hectic mess for the past nine months. Dealing with three school aged kids, a newborn and PPD almost put me over the edge. I spent many, many hours crying and just trying to cope-to function properly and not look like the total basket case that I was. Trying to figure out how to be me when I had no idea who I was. It's weird, I know and I blame the PPD for it.
I questioned why we decided to have a fourth child. I wanted her. I prayed for her. I longed for her. I celebrated her. I questioned her? Near the end, not only was I starting to question my baby-my precious daughter, but I was also questioning my marriage, my family and eventually, my sanity.
Seriously, I wanted desperately to LEAVE- to get in the car and leave this life behind me. I wanted to be alone but the thought of being alone was terrifying. I wanted quiet but I needed noise. When my kiddos were at school, I missed them terribly and when they were home, I glanced at the clock-way too often, hoping it was time to start the bed time routine. I missed Steven so much that it hurt and by the time he got home, that hurt had turned into anger and I wanted nothing to do with him. And this went on for month after month. To say that it sucked would be a serious understatement.
One week. It has been one week since Steven's last final. In one week I was reminded of a few things...
We wanted, prayed for, long for and celebrated our fourth child. We love her. She is joy-a sheer blessing! My family is my favorite family and I love spending time with my husband and kiddos. I love being married. I love who I am married to. I'm totally head-over-heals-in-love with that guy! And the best part?
I was only temporarily insane. PHEW!
For real!
Oh Happy Day, Friends! Oh, happy day.
I'm so glad that you are feeling better.
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